HI...sometimes change is so hard that we find ourselves staying in a situation that we would have told friends to get out of years ago. You find out that the normalcy you thought you had really isn't "normal" at all. In the sense that a loving relationship with another person shouldn't be emotionally abusive. What I noticed is that my kids were so used to the swearing, screaming and name calling that it became normal to them. My 7 year old has non-chalantly talked about his dad throwing him across the room and shaking him as if it's no big deal...if I had known years before I would have taken action.
The kids didn't tell me for two reasons...one is from fear that he would be angry and find a way to get back at them and two is because the more minor offenses were normalized. He still denies that he did anything wrong although he admits to half of the abuse but calls it 'discipline'.
You have to decide what you want. Nobody can do that for you. Is this what you want your kids to see as a normal relationship? Is this what you want for their future?
Look into counseling for your kids and yourself. Will he go to counseling or is that not an option? You said he is not physically abusive, do the kids confirm that as well? Be very cautious if you do make plans to divorce. Have a plan set ahead of time to minimize the potential danger.
I'm sorry you are here, but come and speak...we are listening.