Thanks everyone. No I didn't focus on money in the custody case. Not at all. But I could not alter the fact that I worked weekdays and he works weekends. Even though his weekend job was new and taken specifically for this purpose, he has custody when he is off Monday through Friday. I have the kids Saturday and Sunday. Every week.

My only case was his history of alcohol abuse and his abuse toward me, but he denied the alcohol abuse, lied on an evaluation to prove his innocence and thus was not seen by the judge to be a threat. The abuse was toward me and not the kids. Therefore, he would be better for the kids M-F while I was at work rather than me having to get a sitter.

I may have been able to live with this if I didn't know deep down his motive was to hurt me and he never cared about raising the kids in the past. Never did the "dirty work." But who am I kidding... it kills me to see my kids only on the weekends whether his motives were pure or not. Meanwhile, he tells the kids I am the one who destroyed the family. Parental alienation you say? No deal... the judge didn't want to hear what the kids told me. "Hear say" she called it. I had no proof. She could care less about it.

Yes money has been an issue. I need to make a living. I need to keep afloat. He's doing everything he can to make that as hard as possible. How can we pretend money doesn't matter?

Alas, you are right... I have nothing left to lose really. All that is left is my car... which he wants money for. I'd give it all up to make him go away, but I need to drive and can't even afford a beater to get me through right now.

This has been about money for him as well. He's the one who said "I will die before I pay child support." LOL That was his reaction to me wanting a divorce. And I'm the one who cares about money?

It's hard to get over the loss of the kids. I try to remember that in divorce there has to be sacrifices. Plus I didn't lose them entirely. But it's hard to have them gone so much. It's also hard to see my daughter's school art where she draws her family... and I'm not in those pictures. That hurts. A lot.

And the judge ordered this for the man who used to berate me... scream in my face and push me around during his drunken rages that were apparently a figment of my imagination. Meanwhile, I am a bad choice for parent because I worked full time monday through Friday.

I'm at a standstill right now. Can't afford a lawyer just to get this over with. Called social services, but even on my pitance of an income and unemployment compensation, I make too much for legal aid. The best I can hope for is advice and instructions for representing myself and getting this financial disagreement settled. I don't want to stay married forever just because he wants everything and I can't afford to give it to him. Plus the law says 50/50 (or close to it). So why can't they just say you get x, y and z now leave her alone???