I had not been back to read on this forum for a while but I came today and I am very happy to see that others can relate and gain strength from seeing that they are not alone in thier situations and that we can do this!

My updates are bittersweet. We had an emergency court date on the 14th of November, where he was demanding the vehicle and a laptop. When the day actually arrived, he backed down and was ready to settle. Nothing actually happened that day because he did not have proof of insurance to take possession of the vehicle.

We expected to have paperwork from his lawyer fairly quickly, but nothing came. We had another court date scheduled for the 26th so we did nothing until the court date. When we arrived for court he was ready to make final agreements. I ended up agreeing to give him the vehicle that he wrecked(but is paid in full) and he agreed to let me keep everything else including 401K, houses, other vehicle, etc... so the property stuff is settled.

HE expressed interest in visitation so the judge says he is the father and has never physically hurt the baby, so he gets to try. Since she is so young, he will not get overnight. He will get 1st, 3rd, and 5th saturday and Sunday from 10 am to 3 pm. I think that he may try to do this for a little while, but not for very long.. he is too selfish and has never had to keep her for for 5 hours in a row before. He may take her to his mom's but she can't do it for him all the time.. i am hoping he fades away from responsiblity as he always has.

the other thing that I agreed to was that he would not have to pay child support for 12 months, then standard child support rules would apply. We agreed to this because he would not agree to property division otherwise. He has another child from a previous relationship and made no effor to pay child support to see that child so past behavior tells me that he won't pay anyway but i want to have it in place for future because it is his responsibility to help take care of her.

If all goes well, the final decree can go into effect on Dec 18th!!

For me it is now time for healing. I go through phases where I can't believe I allowed myself to be treated this way, and the enormity of it all overwhelms me. there are periods where i feel lonely and sad for the loss of the dream of a family that he made me believe he also wanted. I blame myself for getting caught in his web of lies, I hate that I was weak and manipulated.

I joined a divorce Care support group through a local church which is helping, but I recently met a lady who referred me to a local women's shelter that offers individual and group counseling sessions for free. I have an appointment for an incoming interview on Dec 3rd. I really believe that I will benefit from being able to talk through the things that happened with others that can relate and help. They also say they can help you cope with having to interact with him because of the visitation.

I gauge my day in moments. I have moments of sad, moments of happy, moments of overwhelmed, moments of reflection. I will come through this stronger and wiser.

I am so blessed to have a beautiful child that gives me all the strength I need to do what is right for the both of us. These hard times will pass and life will only get better and better.

:)