[quote]have order that says no contact except for reasonable visitation and have allowed him to violate order many times trying to keep the peace, so many phones have been broken and violence increased just onmy attempt to call the police, I'll check with the domestic violence support group on what exactly is a violation, when to call and how to modify order [/quote]

You need to go back to court and get the visitation specifically spelled out with a drop off in PUBLIC. That is what I did when I had a restraining order. I didn't even have to talk to my ex at all.

As soon as you see his car at your house, call the police.