This is really the first time I have ever posted to any website before, but I am so confused and need support at a time like this. I am on my second and hopefully last marriage. I have two kids 9 and 4 year boys with my soon to be ex husband. Last Saturday night, I am embarressed to say, my husband violently attacked me sexually while my 4yr. stood outside the door begging his daddy to stop. He put his fingers so far up my rectum, I required 6 stitches in the ER to sew together a 2 inch tear and then proceeded to put his fingers in my mouth.

This has been after numberous months of verbal abuse and an occasional rape. This all due to an almost infidity on my part. He has an enormous amount of anger. I called the cops, for once I was fearful of my life.

I was always the strong willed independent type, who never understood why an abused women would stay with an abusive man. However, time and time again, I have allowed him to buy me dimonds and say how very sorry he is and how much he will change.

Once again, I have felt sorry for him and I did not press charges. I have, however, filed for divorce and gotten a Protection order. Why do I feel sorry for him? That he can't see his kids?

I guess maybe I just needed to vent. We have been married 10 years and it deeply upsets me that if you really love someone as much as you say you do, that you would hurt that person. Any advice would be appeciated at this point. Thanks