I've been in similar relationship.Same thing - spyware put on my computer, checking cellphone voice mail, etc.I say to you to gently move out of this relationship.This type personalty has no limits. Being lonely for a short time is a small price to pay for what may lie ahead in your future. He also probably has you convinced that you cannot live without him, yes? Well you can. You will make friends and you will be OK. The "brainwashing" goes with the territory but be strong and know you have as much self worth as he does.