[quote] I was always the strong willed independent type, who never understood why an abused women would stay with an abusive man. [/quote]

My STBX was never physically violent towards me. But he has ALWAYS been verbally abusive, emotionally abusive and very manipulative. And it's only since we separated that I truly see how few women are married to men like that. Just me in my circle of friends. :(

I am a strong and independent person too. I truly cannot explain why I lived in this situation or why I allowed him to have this control and hold over me, yet I did - for 16 years. Counselling has helped a lot and I STRONGLY recommend that you do that too. (Your children will need counselling too if they knew their mother was being hurt.) I have had counselling for 6 months and I know now that I will NEVER live with someone like him again, I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life.

Sue1234, what your husband did to you is terrrible and along with all the other women here, I urge you to press charges. The physical violence and rape you have been subjected to is dispicable. I'm with Outofcontrol for her suggestion of a suiitable punishment!!!

Don't beat yourself up for not being strong enough to stand up to him. Few of us arae. Just be proud that you've walked away from him.

Six months on from leaving my husband, I feel proud of myself and strong. People who haven't seen me in 6-12 months are stunned and tell me it's the old Malone with the old spark back in my eyes. I can honestly tell you that nothing makes me feel happier or more proud than to hear that.

The same will happen to you but you will need to be strong even when you don't feel it, and for months at a time.

But you will have all our support to get there so carry on with what you have started. You are doing the right thing.

And press those charges!