I'm a mess. I know this is not my fault and I'm glad I filed for divorce but now I'm going through the gamut of emotions---"what did I do wrong?" "I still love him." "We said for better or worse." You name it---I've done it. I'm 31 and also being tested for breast cancer. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Daily. [/quote]

No this is not your fault and don't let him play his games to try and make you think that it is. You did nothing wrong you are the victim. HE WILL NOT CHANGE - I know that it is hard I have been there and lived that life for 12 years. I stayed because of the kids and I thought he would change. Guess what it has been 10 years now and he is remarried and is doing the same exact thing to his new wife. They don't change.

My suggestion is to sign up for a class - victims of domestic violence. It was free for me and it taught me so much and made me see things in a different light. It really made me see what he was doing to me and my kids. It was such an eye opener. If you stay the violence only gets worse. If you need to talk just post.

I am not a counsler but I am a victim of domestic violence, so I know what you are going thru.