Well my husband has threatened to leave on many occasions during our 11 yr marriage.In the early years i used to beg and ask to try again and so on. the last 2 times he brought it up, the first time i said fine, how do you want to do this, He quickly changed his tune. Not the result I had anticipated. The only tune he changed was that he decided he didnt want a divorce after all. Again he very recently said he wanted a divorce. (see other posts) So I have been sad for the loss of what could have/ should have been. But also looking foward to being on my own so to speak. I was looking foward to the freedom of not being responsible for him (financially, and doing everything for him) I had told him that if there was to even be a chance to save this marriage then counseling was a must. He didnt want to do that. Now instead of waiting for money to come so he can move out he decided (apparently) that he doesnt want a divorce after all. I had made it a point to sleep on the couch for a long time. Well he started letting the kids sleep on the couch on nights when they didnt have to go to school the next day. I occasionally slept in our bed when i thought he would just leave me alone. So hes been trying to get intimate so to speak. The other night i went to bed he was downstairs drinking. I was watching a movie because i couldnt sleep. He came in and tried to flip me over, i asked him what he was doing and he answered trying to get some. I said no and went downstairs to check to make sure he kenneled the dog. When i went back upstairs he had locked the bedroom door. Last night he asked if i was going to come to bed. I had said yes. He kept muttering things under his breath. So by the way he is drinking a case of bear a night. So he is on the computer playing his game and i go to bed. Unusally he shortly comes to bed. Usually he playes his game until the wee hours of the morning. Then he tries to get intimate. I block his advances and attempt to keep my clothing on repeatedly. I told him no, and i gave him a real reason (monthly)and that i wasnt interested. It got to a point where he said fine. But then he then he tried to convince me again to be intimate but we didnt have to have sex. I said no again. That i didnt want to. That i didnt feel good, it was 3 am and that i just didnt want to. he didnt get that. Finally i told him that i was mad that he didnt repect that i was saying no. He finally left and slept in the kids room (they were on the couch). Needless to say he was late for work (by 4 hours) and just nasty with me because i was actually surprised he had work and was going (he starts at 6 am it was after 9). Some time during the night he had said that he wanted to tell me something but that i already knew. I thought he was going to finally admit to cheating on me by sleeping with his sister in law(see other posts), instead he professed that he wouldnt just up and leave that he missed the old me.
So now i feel stuck. I dont want this relationship anymore. I am done with the drinking and the many other things. He wont take care of his medical conditions, he wont seek mental health treatment which he needs for the many things he is not equipted to deal with. He wont be financially responsible, he wont get counseling. I am in the middle of a ssi battle, in addition to those medical issues, new ones have emerged (poss historectomy) and he is a mess. Our finances are a mess. I always thought that if we both wanted the divorce then it would be a lot more civil. But now i am afraid it will get nasty. It could get really nasty, especially if i had to file fault (my state has that option). I have made mistakes, i am human. But i am pretty sure that i have grounds on his alcoholism (an option in my state) financial irresponsibilty (hes had enough over draft charges in his account to make a house payment this year alone, and infidelity (i have the sheet and pictures of the text messages for proof). It would make it very long and expensive. The truth is that i dont want to ruin him, i dont want to use the things i can to hurt him, I want him to get the help he needs and get better. But i want out. He imo needs to move out and get help and grow the hell up. He needs to be responsible for himself. I have some work to do to. I have enabled him for years and it has only hurt him in the long run. Maybe after a long while we could get back together, but that is purely conditional. I do love him and care for him i just feel like i need to make this move for the both of us. Does that sound wierd? I know im venting and rambeling on and on, just a little confused and frustrated.