I had Protection from Abuse order put on STBX for 2 yrs of verbal, emotional, and threatened physical violence.

I have been in counseling for almost a year and am starting to understand how caught up I've been in the codependecy. I love my STBX and have always had hope that he would "get better" so we could have our family again.

The very stupid mistake is I fell for his repeated pleading to talk to him, see him, let him spend the night here with me ("Please, please, please, I love you right to death and want/need to be with you.")

Even though I have the protection order I allowed him to spend the night 3 times, most recently in March. The only contact I've had w/him since than is when it concerns our child (which is allowed in the PFA order).

STBX was arrested for violating the PFA order but the arresting officer told me (angrily, I might add) that since I had sex w/STBX the criminal charges will most likely be dropped.

Now STBX is threatening to use the fact that we slept together, dispite the PFA order, against me in divorce court.

I've been told that I can't get in trouble w/law because of this but that it will hurt my credibility in the eyes of the court.

I know I made a very bad choice in sleeping w/STBX. Believe me, not a day goes by that I don't beat myself up over it. The only explaination I can give is I fell for his words of love, wanting to make our marriage work, and saying he wanted things to be different.

STBX believes that because we slept together the PFA order means nothing. He told the DV lawyer I had that the PFA was "bulls**t" because we had sex.

How do I repair the damage done to my divorce case because of this? We live in Maine.

I feel like I really let my child down by doing something that may put his well-being at risk.