It's obvious a volatile relationship and household...either way the kids are the ones that are losing. Your not seeing past your own anger to do whats right. As far as anger management goes...if someone isn't choosing to go on their own, understand that they have a problem and want to change it then it's not going to work, for either of you.
Don't misunderstand this next statement either as I realize that everyone has their own breaking point, but I do wonder why it takes someone to be cheated on before they leave an abusive situation. Your not alone in that respect...I think a lot of people really hope that the other person does want to change and forgives them when they say they are sorry and believes that it won't happen again. Cheating kind of brings all that to the surface and you realize that they are a liar and your not giving up on someone that is worthy of your forgiveness.