i might be wrong,
but as time goes by im finding that it SEEMS that it is especially emotional and difficult to leave/be left by
an abusive spouse.

here's my reasoning....

the pattern of the marriage goes like this:
the abusive person is mean in increasing intervals until there is a blow up of some sort.
THEN
the person is super sorry,
they are nicer, things are wonderful,
then it repeats itself.

this goes on for years with the cycle being anywhere from
weeks, to months long.

so...you get used to the mean = nice
senario.
it becomes your existence.

when the "mean" hits the fan
and either the mean person leaves
or the person taking the meanness cant take anymore,
there is still hope that the
cycle will resurface and there will again
be a mess of niceness.

it's a rough circle to break free from.
oddly enough
i sometimes think it's addictive,
because you dont LIKE It...it hurts...but
the temporary fix makes you feel better.

sigh....

you might still love your husband,
or you mihgt love what you WANT him to be.
either way it's a rough spot.

see if you can get some counceling if you arent already.

AND the best thing you can do for you
is to stop seeing him.

saddly, IF he's done..he's done
and the abusive cycle will continue
until there is really nothing left of the
real "you".