I can so relate to your situation. I have been married 13 years and we have an 11 year old son. We split up the first time before my son turned 1. This was because he was screwing his daughter's mother. We moved away, and yet this woman still had control over him and our marriage. After 10 years of disrespect from him, I cheated on him while I was attending school. The affair was short, but very liberating in the sense that I knew that I was worth more than what I was getting from my husband. My husband would tell me things like I didn't rank on the top ten people he cared about and that a wife was nothing more than a cumbucket. It got so bad that one day I called the police and had him arrested. Even after that, he still didn't learn. We moved again (fresh start) and he continued with the physical and mental abuse. I went back to my former lover. Of course, the violence started again. One time, he hit me and I stabbed him. Then I called the cops. Most recently (June) we had another physical altercation. He has scars on his face. I have a copy of the police report from the previous city we lived in, and I am sure there is one here.
I have been threatened with death and yet I stayed. Although I have loved my husband for the majority of our marriage, it was not until recently, that I chose to love myself more than him. No matter what, he cannot take away what I have accomplished and I am a better person fo r it. It may have been wrong to cheat on my husband, but it helped me to realize that I am a woman to be desired and respected. I deserve more than what I am getting and that I am sick and tired of settling.