Hello I am new to divorce myself but can agree with this so called Roller Coaster ride that occures. I married my highschool sweetheart and began noticing that he was changing. Aside from what I assumed was a little jealous nature. He was angry about every 6 months he shut down., He got angry quickly and over petty things such as some guy looks at me or I happen to not have dinner started when he came home. The sad thing is he didn't even to notice this about himself. I chalked it up to being newlyweds and we had a child at the time. We moved out of his moms and into our own home. That is when it all started. Slowly his anger became focused on me he would tell me to just go to the other room and get out of his face. I left him and he followed me. He begged and pleaded and swore to change so I went back to the love of my life. Things were good for a while but it started again. This time things in the home took the brunt---pictures got broke things got thrown. I was not in contact with my parents and had no car and no job basically he was my world...as twisted as it was. His anger seemed to die down after about 2 years and I assumed he was growing up. We had our second child and life was good, good jobs, nice home, and then I started working. The once needy wife became the moneymaking bad girl to him. All of the sudden I was accused of doing thins like going out, sleeping with other men and basically pulling away from him, Here is where it got worse, he began putting his fist through walls, he broke the pole off our 4 post bed with one quick swing of his fist. I think this is when I realized I would be next.
of course the i'm sorry's came at this point (again) and like a fool I was afraid to leave. If I stayed and tried to keep things calm it was better than leaving and not knowing where he was or what he was up to. I felt as long as I am here I can keep him calm....boy was I wrong but that is how he made me feel. I remember telling the boys to be quiet or don't fight or dad will get mad. That is when I found out I was expecting again. We moved away from both our families and once again the roller coaster slowed down. At least for a few years. We bought our first house 5 years ago and violence started this time focused physcially at me. I had listened to years of being put down, called names that I will not repeat and now physcial. It started with things "accidentally" hitting me when he threw them. Mind you these episodes came only once every few years . But 2 summers ago I got the crap beat out of me, with all 3 children as witness. this I saw as my definate way out. So I had him arrested and left. The boys and I moved into a small house. He was ordered to go to anger management and he did. he cried alot and was very emotional about the whole situation.
I was still in love and felt that it was not him that caused this but situations in life that we faced. after 9 months I took him back and life was again good. I still never gained the trust back and lost alot of love for him. But I felt like the boys needed to see dad reform and change his ways. Earlier this year he turned on the kids and I realized I had let this happen by taking him back. My child was kicked across the room and had a shoe threw at him, ontop of the names he was called by his dad. He also threw a knife across the room not once but 2 times.
I again left, this time I got an attorney and began process of divorce. I allowed brief visits with the children b/c he moved in with his mom who was a constant support on my side. 2 months ago on a visit he called and said he was not bring the kids back until he felt it was safe....from what I still do not know. But after getting the police involved I got them back, took out an oop and have finalized Divorce papers.
now he is sending messages through the children. Basically he loves me and wants me to not date so he has the chance to change and fix things. Now my brief moment of solitude is clouded with fear of what he is capeable of now.

Sorry this so long but can anyone help me now to make him realize that it is not fixable anylonger...without making him mad and coming after me again.....