You have found a safe haven here....your private hell is acknowledged...I had the brusies... the emotional and verbal hell also...when I look at it now...it looks like a nightmare that I am veiwing...but I could not accept it as mine....even with all the terror and threats...I still could only think of how it was in the beginning...when I was 17 and started dating him.....it was to hard to see what he really has become...this is the real person he is..the one I had in my head...did'nt exsist....

So sorry for your illness...I hope it is in remission and cured....I loss my sense of smell and taste because of all the crying..I had chronic sinuses...but when they took scans...they could find no reason physically for this....
post-traumatic stress....how could we take all this...to embarassed to tell anyone or have anyone think we had problems....and the fear of having to someday deal with all this can real make you very ill...

The court system in not always reliable...they let stbx go to trial with jury and win...I had him arrested for domestic violence...he pled not guilty...coward....the pictures they took look like I was in a war zone....he had to be in jail for 72 hrs. and had a $5,000 fine....the states attorney botched up every thing and so did my first lawyer...signing away my order of protection for support money that I was intitled to anyway.....alot to learn...thank God for the internet and his soc.no.....I learned so much about myself and stbx since March 10th. of this yr.

Finding yourself begins with admitting there is a problem...and not neccessarily you...your problem like mine was accepting the worst behavior for yourself...we just took it because the punishment that they could place on us was horrible...I have two grown sons...that survived all this intact with the belief that controlling someone was wrong...something I always told them..but I should of listened to my self say it....I did'nt even feel human anymore...just a head-nodding doll...trying to save her precious little self-regard from totally disappearing...

Thank-God it will soon be over for you..maybe soon mine will be too....I like my life now...It feels good not to have to cry every day and not feel loved or cared for...to much was given to them...I have taken back all of it...he can stand alone with his horrid mommy that he so listen to...I am glad he is gone...I deserve better for my self....and plan on taking it alone for awhile till I know everything I need so this never happens again...