My stbx is a mama's boy too. He called her and "tattled" on me throughout our marriage, at least every week. I felt she was the "other woman" in our marriage in many ways. He definitely had a stronger emotional connection to her than he ever did with me. His relationship with her was the priority relationship. In fact, when I told him I was getting a divorce he immediately moved to Tennessee (I live in GA) to be near his parents -- and tried to take the two youngest children. That was when I hired an attorney and had him served. After that, the law here doesn't allow either of us to remove the minor children from the jurisdiction of the court unless permanent or temporary custody has been determined.

We have 2 boys who are 17 and almost 20. I am amazed at how well they are turning out considering what they've lived through. Yes, they have issues. The oldest got the lion's share of the physical abuse and he barely tolerates his dad. The second is in denial. He even told the judge at our preliminary trial that there wasn't any abuse. He's since told me he does remember the abuse (he always denied it when it happened; said he didn't remember) but he still excuses it and/or thinks it is not as bad as it really is. His issue is he is totally enmeshed in the whole passive-aggressive manipulation thing with his dad. That's even harder to define and pinpoint to teach him how to behave differently. Both boys have had problems treating me like their father did whenever they are upset with me - yelling, screaming, swearing and calling me vile names. I've had to take a very hard line with them on it in the past year but we've made tons of progress. They've never been wild or rebellious otherwise, though. I think we've been lucky there. No drugs or delinquency, etc. They are both hard workers and remarkably responsible for their ages.

I've learned a ton about my stbx since I started seeing my psych in Feb of this year. Even uncovered major ways he deliberately deceived me the ENTIRE time we were married. That helped me alot - to have tangible proof that it wasn't me after all. It also made me realize trying to keep his secrets and, at the same time, despising me because I didn't figure it out, probably had a lot to do with the way he treated me. That was when the nightmares and migraines stopped -- he didn't have the power to terrify me anymore.

My attorney has been in agreement with me that we would only hurt my case if we tried to convince the court of his sexual assault, etc. There's no proof and since he has such an incredibly convincing demeanor I'd look like a raving idiot. It's hard to accept that there will be no justice but I keep trying to remind myself that at least I'm not living with my stomach in a knot every day wondering when the next eruption was going to happen, and walking on egg shells trying to make sure I don't cross one of his invisible and ever-changing lines. And as far as I can have anything to do with it, my daughter will not learn by my example to marry an abuser herself someday.