What a great post, Mari. Hopefully people new to this whole process will think about your advice.

My husband and I have been seperated for 4 years. We will never live together again, though we may not divorce, I don't know for sure. We get along better now than we did when we were living together. I thank God I didn't blow his garbage all over town, as we are still both living here and part of the community. I was always afraid of putting my kids through more pain by trashing him. You are right, he is there father and they love him no matter what. They are aware of his problems, and they still love him, though they did lose some respect for him.

I forgave him for my own peace of mind, and we get along okay now. I had the chance to show the OW's husband pictures of them together, and then I thought, why? It would hurt my kids and her kids! Why cause any more destruction than had already been done? To accomplish...what? More anger? More hatred? I had a great support system who let me vent to them and they kept it private. I always, always treated him respectfully in front of the kids, and in public. I had someone say, how can you be decent to him after the crap he has thrown at you? Because I dealt with it in private. And trust me, I did alot of trash talking about him and the old [censored]. It is nothing to be proud of, but pretty normal, given the circumstances.

I have tried to be a good role model for my kids, though I have failed them in many ways. I want them to know that yes, you can survive when someone craps on you. Yes, you can get up and go and hold your head up and go on. Because I KNOW they will all get crapped on to at some point, in some way. Life is like that.

This is a great place to come and blow off steam!!! You are anonymous, and it doesn't come back to haunt you.