[quote]Cheaters have been defined in various threads as selfish. Wouldn't it be just as selfish to pin that victim badge on every day? What message do you send to your children (if you have them) in doing so? What benefit do you derive from it? [/quote]

I am not a victim. Doesn't change the fact that my ex is abusive and that is something that he is going to have to live with for the rest of his life.

Just like you are a cheater. And that is something that you are going to have to live with for the rest of your life.

Cheating is selfish. No matter how much you try to justify it. It's selfish.

Now the better question is: Are you going to learn from your mistakes and move on? You can't change what you did, you can't change that the label cheater and cheatmate applies to you and your cheatmate. And probably will for the rest of your life.

But you can change how you would handle the end of a marriage with your next marriage. And second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than the first marriages do.

I don't know about you, but if I was with someone who I cheated with who also cheated on his wife, I would always have that doubt: He cheated once, what's to stop him from doing that again?

And he would also have that same doubt.

A better question to ask about the children is: What kind of message are you sending them by cheating?