you are not alone in your thinking, but you have a lot more going for you than you think. a lot more opportunity than you think. you're life isn't over. you have a son to raise. that's a huge part of your life, even though it is 50% right not. (i have a feeling that you will have him more than 50% when he gets older.)

have you ridden that horse? maybe focus on that. i find that having something to focus on when the girls are with their dad helps a lot. it's ashame if your horse is just eating and pooping.

i've taken up golfing and love it. maybe find a new hobby.

i also think part of your frustration is that your property is still not sold and lately you've had some bad luck. once your property sells, i think you'll have a new outlook.

don't be too hard on yourself...what you are feeling is natural.