Hi. It's been an eventful week so far. I talked to an old friend from high school on IM the other day that I actually saw back in May. He told me how good I looked the last time I saw him. For some reason, that made me feel so good. None of my problems bothered me anymore. I was ok with my husband and the idea of his girlfriend, our upcoming divorce, all of it. All it took was a compliment. The only thing I can say after thinking about it is I didn't seem like such a failure to myself anymore. Like I still had something to offer the world. All of that from one little compliment.

Then I talked to the former best friend Tuesday night. I laid into her for about 15 min. and then took the high road and told her I still loved her. I know. Alot of you are yelling at the computer saying I'm nuts. And maybe I am. But I can't hold a grudge. I can't live with unforgiveness in my life. That just brings me down.

So my STBX is still living here and I've slept with him at least 3 times in the last week. We didn't do that before we decided to split. But of course he is now telling me we should probably quit because it isn't fair to the girlfriend. This made me a little angry today but then again, why should I let him have me anyway. I really have to adopt the no touching rule. But he will still hug me and be my "friend" and it just feels good to be hugged sometimes.

So finally, today he told me that my former BF finally started telling her kids about him today. Keep in mind they are in their 30s. So for the last 4 days or so I have been in a really good mood. Then I hear this and it just makes it all real. If she is telling them then she must feel secure enough to move forward with the relationship. (she wasn't sure because of my son) He is going to spend next weekend with her. I can't sit here and mope so I am going to visit my mother and take my son to Idelwild Park in PA. Anything to get my mind off of it all.

Oh, and to top it off, I have to do a home PG test in the AM. I'm late and nauseas. Could be the stress of everything. But of course he is afraid I will be and then his new life will be ruined. Of course I told him I really didn't care. It wasn't changing anything between us.

I don't want to be 2nd best. Not to any man. I know that was a lot of info in a few short paragraphs. But I've stayed away the last few days. I guess I should update more often. Thanks for listening.

I would say this will all be final in as little as 4-6 mo. says the attorney. I think things would be easier for me if it was done now. And him not here. But my son (5) has no clue yet. Still playing house for him.