Brokenheartedguy-

You hit the nail on the head. My STBX tied to be something she was not when she was with me. I needed somebody that wanted to do things together and trust me like a best friend. At any rate, she told me that she wanted so badly to be the wife that I wanted her to be. She was trying to convince herself to be somebody that she simply was not.

She's a distant loaner, and I gather that she doesn't want to be that person. From what I notice about her actions, she doesn't want to be that person so much that she tries to act the part that she is not. I don't even know if she knows who she is.

In many ways, I am her opposite.

She did a lot to try to be what I needed, but she never really told me explicitly what she needed me to do to accommodate her. She thought SHE was the problem, and never even asked me to try to make some adjustments for her.

I dunno. It comes down to communication. It comes down to being honest to the other person, and my STBX had a really hard time opening up, not only to me, but to herself as well.