I feel so down this weekend even though my 10 yo son and my 18 yo daughter are here. 16 yo is with stbx wife, really missing them. She thinks I'm spreading rumors and telling lies about her. The only thing I have done is stop protecting her from what she has done when others ask. She tells the kids that I am lying to them, I am not but I have told the 16 yo too much.

She's fighting the sale of the house, so I expect it will end up with the bank. She doesn't think I love her, i guess because I just don't roll over and die. She thinks I'm turning the kids against her... I'm just standing up for our marriage, no I do not want the divorce. I think we could work things out...

I'm just down, feel empty, unmotivated... the pain is so great. I wish I could do things right in all this... I just suck at being dumped, at watching 20 years go down the drain... thank God for the kids, they are great kids. I don't want them to turn out like us.

Why do I still get so down? I cried in front of my 18 yo... yes I'm a guy. I guess I need to grieve the loss of my mate. I know I'll get through this but it is so confusing and painful.