Hey Dex,

Marriage isn't for everyone. Thank goodness we now live in a society, that doesn't scorn two consenting adults who want to live together, without the benefits of marriage.

I was exactly where you were after my 2nd marriage failed. First ex cheated on me and 2nd ex was an alcoholic. I figured I would just stay single.

Oh, for the record, I didn't ask for alimony from either, and the 2nd marriage was 25 years duration. I had a full time job and knew I could learn to reduce my expenditures to match my income. We did split the equity from the home, as it was bought jointly during the marriage and both our incomes went to pay for it.

My 2nd marriage pretty much soured me toward marriage since it was mostly void of sex, and if he was so inclined I was lucky if he managed to stay awake for the 10 minutes it took from start to finish for him. He was a slob and it turned out to be easier to just pick up his crap rather than nagging him. He was the impulse buyer in the marriage. When we split, I told him what few items I would like to keep but told him if he wanted to take it all, fine, I would replace what I needed. His stuff was his and mine was mine and we didn't fight over one damn thing during the break up of the marriage.

My intentions to remain single did change after a certain wonderful man came into my life. I truly feel I never knew how a healthy and happy relationship could be until I met the man I married 2 years ago. I was the one who wasn't sure if she wanted to take the leap again. It certainly wasn't from anything he had ever said or done. He was the most caring, gentle, sensual, warm man I had ever met. I was afraid it would all change after we married.

We lived together for awhile. You really don't get to know someone until you share a home with them. I kept waiting for things to change, like all of a sudden he would not pick up after himself or help with the chores around the house. I figured sex would become ho hum or diminish once we were living together, I was so wrong on that account.

He knew I was reluctant and he was fine with me taking my time to say yes to his proposal. Two years post marriage and it just keeps getting better.

It takes a special person who cares as much about your happiness as you do about theirs, to make a marriage successful. Communication was an issue in my former marriages, but not in this one. His ex was a screaming drama queen. It took him about 6 months to discover I wasn't. If we have a difference of opinion, we sit down and discuss it, like two sensible adults should and find a solution that works for us both. He was used to just giving in to whatever his ex wanted, as it would stop the yelling and tantrums. He was totally taken aback when I asked him, what would he like? He said he had never been asked that question. I was shocked, and told him that his needs and desires mattered as much as mine and I didn't expect that everything would always go my way.

Don't ever settle. I learned that after my 2nd marriage. You don't have to marry someone to be happy or in love. However marriage to a warm, loving and caring person, can be the most awesome experience you have every experienced.

The important thing is to do what feels right for you. You have every right to live your life just the way you want to.

Hugs,
Nish