Well guys - I'm back. =P

So I've been gone for a little over a month (since right after the last time I got to talk to him, actually) because I had an idea. I figured, if I was too busy to think straight, then I'd be to busy (and exhausted) to think about him. AND I'd definitely be to busy to call him. Since I needed to force "no contact" I figured this was a good plan.

So what did I do? I completely ripped apart my house and have been slowly putting it back together. We're talking about removing the ceiling in the basement, ripping out the bathroom upstairs (down to the wall studs), redoing all of the house plumbing, rebuilding some heaters... MAJOR remodeling here. I've been doing most of the work myself, which I thought would keep my mind off of things.

But it didn't work. I think about him more now than I have before. I still feel like I'm going crazy, thinking that I'll see him just around the corner. I was hoping that if I didn't call, he'd eventually call me - which also hasn't happened and is making me more depressed. I still have nightmares most nights where he's running away from me, or telling me he hates me, or he's puking at the sight of me, etc. (WTF is THAT all about??) I can't keep the "why's" and the "what if's" out of my head... Just the general s#!ttyness that comes with all of this crap.

So now that the house is almost done, what the hell am I going to do? Anyone have any better ideas?