You've been with her for most of your life and you're wondering why you feel awful?

I don't know your situation, but I have the same "symptoms" so I'll give you my own insights.

My stbx became home to me. When we were together, I was home - wherever that was. Her smell. Her voice. Her feel. The way she sounds just being near. Her presence. She was home to me.

You build your life around that and when she leaves of COURSE you're going to feel awful. The framework upon which you built your life has evaporated. It's like your own skeleton had been ripped out of your body.

And the guilt. You made a vow and it's being broken. You figure that there must have been SOMETHING you could have done or said or not done or said to have made everything OK.

Maybe there was. But you didn't - likely because you aren't perfect.

You've been holding on for years. Such habits don't fall away easily. Besides, it seems WRONG to let go. All things good in the world demanded that you hold on. Now you have to change direction.

Between that and having your life's framework ripped out, why would you feel any self doubt? Everything's changed. And you aren't feeling secure?

The good news is that you're normal. The bad news is you're normal and that this will hurt for a good long time. This chapter ain't over yet - nor will it be until you're completely sick of it. And even then....

All you can do sometimes is just...

Hang in there. Ever so slowly it gets better - but not until you ride this fricken roller coaster.

Tom