You all are really brave and strong!!
I really cannot relate as my child does not see the stbx or his G/F due to the actions he took against our child and his G/F's violent ways!!!
But one day I WILL shake her hand when she puts him in his grave or a full body cast!!! I'm being serious here, she's been incarcerated 4 times that I know of and is facing 6 yrs in jail for assaulting him with "deadly weapons"!!!
No lie!!! He bought her a house and now is supposedly renting a room in another house 1/2 blk down from her!!!
Yet her Myspace page states all over it about how much they love each other!!!! OMG!!!
Karma is the best!!!
You reap what you sow!!!
What comes around goes around!!!

But honestly, I can't say how much I envy how brave you are for even trying to be accepting of the other person.