Okay I have two different senarios.

1) My ex has a g/f that is our town's well known 'ho'. She did me a big favor when they hooked up-every rumor or attempt my ex had made to make me look bad, no longer had any credibility. In such a small town I have actually been at a cookout in the day with her and a guy, and then that night she went over to my ex's and stayed with him! I don't have any problem with her-because she is nice to my son and doesn't overstep with anything. My son is old enough to know what is going on and doesn't approve of her.

The ex usually doesn't have her around when he has our son. But lately she has been around more.

I just mind my own business and am nice to her-because she is nice to my son. And besides-she did me a huge favor when she hooked up with my ex. She gave him something else to 'feed off of'.

2) My boyfriend has a son and an ex-wife. For two years I have taken the high road. I have never involved myself with her or thier business. I would really like to kick the sh*t out of her-she bad mouths me and tries to mind our business. She rides by our house. I have never done anything to her. I told her in the beginning of my relationship that I would treat her son just the way I treat my own. I used to wash his clothes and send them home clean-especially when she had no washer or dryer and had to go to the laudromat. I tried to make sure he brushed his teeth and took a shower. (men sometimes overlook that stuff)

Well she has been so nasty (I know this from over hearing her on the phone or my boyfriend tells me, or someone else tells me) that lately that I stopped doing his clothes-we bought him clothes to keep at our house, even shoes and boots. I feel bad when he wants to take them home and his Dad says no-but it is for the best. I have to admit I have gotten a little resentful lately because the child has been disrespectful to me and it comes from his mother. After he has been with us for a couple of hours, he forgets and acts normal.

I don't take any responsiblity for the child. I do not watch him with out his father being there. I don't pick him up or drop him off. I have taken him to school or daycare on a Monday morning because the mother was no where to be found on Sunday night and we all needed to go to bed and get ready for work/school. I refuse to do that anymore-yesterday my boyfriend had to take him to the grandmother's and drop him off (she lives next door to the ex-wife) She wasn't too happy-but she knew what time he was coming home. That is the type of stuff she likes to pull.

The sad thing is that the child is the one who suffers. Yesterday I let him wear the shoes we have for him at our house home. The ones he came with were way too small. He was so excited he got to wear his nice shoes home. They are nothing great-just tennis shoes from Walmart! I told him it was time for a new pair anyway.

So in my experience I would just keep my mouth shut and go about my business. Only correspond with your ex about the kids. Don't go through her-or allow her to have any responsiblity for them. I have done this and yet still manage to find myself wanting to slap the taste out of my boyfriend's ex-wife's mouth!

One good thing is that the people who know me-tell her that I am a good mother and that I treat her child well. This comes up when she attempts to bad mouth me to someone-I have given her no reason to bad mouth me-hence 'taking the high road'.