You need to deal with your religious issues totally separate from the legal situation you are entering. A marriage of 20 years will get you half his military pension and if you get custody of minor children you will be awarded child support. You need to file for divorce. It's generally an advantage to be the one to file first. Ask for custody of the children, alimony, child support, and the marital home. You need to be proactive about this. Call and lawyer and get this divorce started. Think practical. Think about your long term best interests. Once all this is over you can deal with whatever philosophical issues you need to resolve.