[quote]I'll leave all the emotional details out as I'm sure a lot of you have been there, done that, suffice to say that she is the driving force behind the split not me.

We live in Virginia for starters. We have been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids, I am not the father nor did I adopt them but I consider them mine. They are currently 18 and 20 therefore I think they are past the age for child support in Virginia but I am willing to help them in any way I can. That, however will be between me and them and not involve my wife.

I am employed full time making ~ $85k she has been employed on and off and currently does not have a full time job but when she was working part time she typically made $10/hour, equivalent to ~ $20k / year

We are trying to agree on a fair alimony and I really have no idea what is reasonable. The split will be without animosity as we both feel we can reach an agreement.

I have seen some post somewhere (that helps doesn't it) where Fairfax county in Virginia uses a formula of 30% of my gross salary minus 50% of her earnings (or potential earnings) which would be 84000 x 0.3 = 25200 minus hers of 21000 x 0.5 = 10500 which equals $14700 or $1225 per month

I also will be keeping the kids on my health insurance until I no longer can after college, which will cost me about $250 per month which I think 50% gets subtracted from the alimony so $1100 per month

My response:

This is factored into child support, not alimony.

You said:

There are no marital assets to speak of, we rent so no house, 2 cars of which we will each get one when I sign hers over to her. All other property has already been split but I really don't care about that.

I have a 401k plan which I took a loan out on in January to pay of some family debts (although not all) so there is not that much left in it, maybe $7-9k. We have some debts still, 1) the $5k loan from my 401k, 2) 3 credit cards with maybe $2k, 3) a Dell loan for $1.5k and 4) a dental loan for $1k.

I am willing to take on 1), the largest debt from 2) of about $1000 and 3) and 4) so if split down the middle I am taking on her half of the debts for around $4.5k which would be what she would get from my 401k so maybe we could call that evens.

My response:

I would take on the debt that has your name on it and not depend on her to pay it. She may very well pay it, but you are out of luck if she doesn't. Taking on all of the debt to keep what's left in the 401K is a good idea.

You said:

Is there anything else I am missing, I'm not clear about her health insurance if I am responsible for anything after the divorce.

My response:

This is where the insurance would be factored into alimony. Check with a lawyer (and your insurance company)to see if it is even possible to keep her on your insurance once the divorce is final.

You said:

I am undoubtedly suffering from the symptom of trying to be fair and protect her and the kids from hardship but I know she is not my responsibility anymore as she is involved, at least emotionally with someone else already (must be nice)

My response:

Nothing wrong with wanting to be reasonable and fair. Just don't bend over backwards in an attempt to get her back. Try to reach a settlement that both of you can live with.