I get your point completey. My STBX would do and say the same things and does!

He would say no to ROFR as a way to show the world that I am a bad mother - i.e. that there were times that I couldn't be there for my child, and expected other people to do stuff for my child instead - like him. My own STBX would want to manipulate anyone he could into thinking that it all goes wrong if I can't rely on him being there. (The ROFR).

With two normal or nearly normal parents, the other parent would naturally and happily slot in to meet the need of their child.

with an STBX like mine, he would only do it if he could sound off loudly to other people about 'how much I had to rely on him, and that without him, nothing would happen'. I had this patronising, belittling put down stuff going on all of last yeaer. It was controlling and manipulative - I hated it.

6 months into our separation, he's starting to get better, but we still have these issues from time to time. When we do, it's about makng me look bad instead of looking after our child.

He definitely did it all the time while we were married and immediately after we separated.