you have no IDEA...well, maybe, saddly, you do.

my children's father is quite the piece of work.
manipulative and unpredictable.

he has messed with our kids just enough to unsettle them but not outright.
his overall choices are NOT in our children's best interest.

However,
in SPITE of what a horrible person he is,
he is their dad.

My kids are rapidly figuring out the games he plays,
and the lack of committment and honesty.
it DOES hurt them, but they still love him very very much.

as long as he is not abusive to them there is nothing i can do at this time.
and, frankly i hope he doesnt abuse them or make things in this situation worse, because even if he DOES,
he is STILL their dad and they Do love him.

you know what else i noticed?
when on of the kids became bitter and angry and hateful towards my stbx (at home...never directly to my stbx)
it just Hurt that child. a LOT!
hatred is a protection from the hurt of rejection (in this case) and it was ME who ended up working on fixing my child's view of my stbx. it was SO hard to do because so much of what my child was saying and feeling was true.
So, i acknowledged my child's accurate emotions and then we worked together to see the GOOD things about dad.
the evidence that dad DOES love them.
and i reassured my child that i WANT the kids to love dad and dad to love the kids.
I pointed out some of MY faults and mentioned how we all still love each other, so even if Dad DOES have faults he still DOES love them.

it seemed to help quit a bit.

but from parent to parent it is one of the most difficult things to send you children to a questionable environment with a questionable person.

im feeling for you!
i wish there was more to be said that would really help.