I took this from the other post because I didn't want to hijack. But if there is one thing that most of us that are through the divorce would tell you - it is to bury the emotions.

Here is a reality - the court is not about telling you that your cheating ex is a bad person. It is not going to tell you that you are browbeaten, etc. They will not justify the feelings nor validate them.

They are there to determine:
- division of property - not how much sweat equity you put into it
- custody of children - focusing on the children, their best interests and imminent danger issues.

The more you cloud things with accusations, concerns and worries that have no IMMEDIATE impact on these decisions, the less help you will have from the judge.

Is this right? No. Is this reality? Yes.

These people are overwhelmed. Most of them believe we all deserve at some level what we are dealing with because we married this person. That doesn't mean that we deserve to be hit, abused, lied to, etc. It means that they cannot change the person. The court cannot make them a different person. All it is going to do is make them a divorced person.

It is very easy to get caught up in the war, but the court is only there to sign the treaty at the end of the war. The less you involve them in the battles, the better off you will be.