Hi Faith: Hmmm, I see where you are coming from.. I don't know, I never really thought about it that way. My ex and I have been separated for 4 years. The Gf came into the picture 3 years after so no, he didn't leave me for her or anything like that. In fact, I was the one that left emotionally first. My main objection to her being there is that my older daughter had told her dad clearly that she just wants him there. She's very self-conscious and it was a bit of a stretch to be in the play at all. The recurring theme over the last year was she just miss having time with her dad, one on one. She went from having her dad all to herself to having her parents separated to having her dad's GF there every weekend she sees her dad. I know that's the reality for many people and it's nothing horrible but I still think that she should have some say. It's not unreasonable to want some time alone with her dad without the GF. Do I have issues with this ? I don't know, maybe. Eventhough I know that I don't want to be with this man anymore, I was saddened to see him take up with someone else. Do I show this to my kids ? Initially I did, but in the last year, I was the one who stuck up for her when my daughters complained. I know that villainizing either my ex or her will not help the situation. Ultimately, he is their dad. He loves them and they love him so the easier I make the transition from our house to their house, the happier everyone will be. There may be some truth to what you're saying. I haven't really thought about my ex and his GF for months now. The main thing that strucks a chord with me is control. I belive that my ex has significant issues about control and this is reflected in all his relationships. THAT's the problem I have with the most. I don't think you're too harsh. You're just telling it like you see it. Maybe there's some truth to it. I did leave the play with more of a distance and relaxed feeling than I did in a long time. My ex and I are increasingly leading different lives and that's healthy and okay.
I will think about that and see if I can make my attitude more positive so my kids will not have to take on my issues. FYI, the play went fine and both kids had a great time so perhaps it's more of a resistance to more changes than my ex being the selfish tyrant that he is. Sorry, that slipped out. It has been 4 long years of dealing with a very difficult man. thanks to all the people that responded. This forum, as usual, gives me a safe place to vent and hopefully move on.