Hi D,
I know, I know, I know. Sigh. I am so tired of this man. After months of therapy and talking things through, I really wanted to put all the negativity behind me and accept our new lives. I tried to make an effort to be friends, or at least act friendly around the man, and it really wasn't worth it.
I think if he truly wanted what was in our daughter's best interest, which is what he claims is his main concern, he would stop harassing me and claiming I am bad mouthing him to our child. When my daughter and I are together, I make a conscious effort to NOT talk about her dad and his drama. It's all about my daughter and I.
It's not a secret I don't like his new girlfriend. I think we all know why... And my daughter knows I can't stand this woman either. So much so that we don't talk about her at all. I change the subject. Now our four y.o. is smart. She knows what is going on. Suddenly mommy and daddy aren't talking to each other, mommy is crying and her preschool teacher is sleeping over at her dad's house (before we even filed papers). yeah. She knows. And she knows exactly what I think of this woman because her father and I have screamed at each other several times during the months until our divorce was finalized.
I will definitely admit to not handling the divorce in the most peaceful and cool way possible. I pretty much fell totally apart and left devastated by his actions. According to him, he felt I deserved it because I "left" him the previous summer. Long story short version: He told me to leave and dropped my daughter and I off at the airport with ten bucks and then he went to a bar. I had to sit in the Denver airport for eight hours with a three y.o and only ten dollars to my name and yet, "I left him." I couldn't even go back to our home because we had subleased the place for the summer. I had to call my parents to buy my daughter and I plan tickets and to let us stay at their house until I figured out what to do.
Yeah.
The divorce happened for a reason. It was never pretty. Both of us have HUGE issues with the other but at this point there is no reason to harbor anger over our relationship. It is over. We are finished. We share custody and when she is with her dad, I try to back off. When she is with me, I won't allow him to dictate how I raise my child.
If I could go back in time... I would have made different choices but now I have to roll with the changes and move forward.