You're very angry at a man who is supporting 5 kids (three who are adults and living at home and/or going to college?) his wife and his mother-in law in his own house. He also has to support all the mouths of all the pets that your mother and you kids have taken in. You blame him for being away for work, and you think your mother is great for focusing everything on you and your siblings and the house and the pets, but what choice did he have? It's not like she was helping out with financing the venture. From what I can tell, he's one man supporting 6 adults (five of whom are not pulling thier own weight). It's no wonder there have been disagreements and bickering.

I totally disagree with him having affairs, but what's worse is that your mother has seen fit to tell you about them and talk to you about them. She's your MOTHER and she should know that you have no business knowing anything about her sex life, even if you are an adult.

Your Dad, by not talking to you about this situation, is practically a saint on the issue of how he's handling this with you and your siblings, and is probably working really hard not to retaliate and give you an earful of exactly what is wrong with your mother. (not that you'd believe him, it sounds like she's got your loyalty at this point and there's no way you'd believe she's doing anythign wrong. Heck, you're probably going to think I'm terribly mean for telling you that seh's very wrong to have discussed his affairs with you...

I agree with the others that you should be out of it and NOT be the one to provide the information to your siblings. I suggest, however, that maybe you should read the book, "Divorce Poison". It explains how sometimes a parent in a divorce can spend some time brainwashing a kid into thinking that THIER position on things is the right one... and then things get skewed and really hard to set right.

Understand that in the real world, women whose kids are all in school and/or college will often return to work, or will work hard to try to minimize the economic impact of non-working on the family. That in these really difficult economic times, all adult children are expected to somehow pull thier own weight, and if that means moving out with a roommate to a larger town where you can find something, tehn that's what it means. I know a man who lost his job, claimed he could not afford to support the kids... he was applying to all kinds of management positions for a year (because that's teh kid of job he wanted) and couldn't find a single person to hire him. He was told "I hear Circle K is hiring", which is the way it works if you are an adult, if you have to pull your own weight, if you have minor children to support.

At some point, it's perfectly reasonable for him to expect the adult children to figure out how to be self-supporting, and I know it fills a kid full of resentment to find out that the expectations they had of college education without too much debt are not going to be fulfilled, but that's the reality of the world, not the meanness of your Dad, that is causing this. And don't let your mother say anything to the contrary.

I think it's amazing that he's only on YOUR case about working and not on your mother's.

It's a nice luxury that she has been available to not work, to take in lots of pets, bear as many kids as seh wanted and stay home through the whole thing. That's a luxury that most people don't have. And the only reason she's had that luxury is that your Dad has worked to support the whole crew. To criticize him for being away in order to do that is a bit unfair. To suggest that you feel not as close to him is understandable, becasue he's been busy, supporting you... and she's been busy recently, telling you about how unfair he is and how he's had affairs.

It's not right, what she's done. Next time she wants to talk about it... next time you feel the urge to ASK her to talk about it... just say "no". You need to stay out of it, not take sides, understand that if the RIGHT thing were happening, you'd know nothing about the difficulties between them as man & wife and they would figure out a way to separate and still keep all you kids fed and happy... without complaining to any of you kids about the other parent and money, because that stuff is none of your busienss.

But clearly, things have already gone in a wrong way here... Please don't compound it. Don't talk to your other siblings about the stuff you've found out from your Mom. Don't you let yourself become a weapon in her brainwashing arsenal to turn them against your Dad. It's not up to you to inform them about stuff. It's up to them.

You are not the parent here.

All you are, is an adult child. As such, you should try to figure out where you are going with your life, figure out how to reduce the burden on your family finances (in a way that apparently your mother is not trying to do because as you've talked, it appears that no one has contemplated having HER return to work)... and how to moveo forward and repair your own relationship with your father even though your mother has given you inappropriate information about him and he refuses to retaliate by gossipping about her to you.

Please, find a way to stay out of it... and more importantly, don't even think of talking to your siblings about it.

Good luck.