Your Dad will feel fine with no one living with him if you are all becoming independent adults and none of your kids' decisions have anything to do with any beliefs you have about his sex life. It's unfortunate that you know this stuff about your Dad without understanding the part of this that is the "it takes two to tango" part, but you're kind of committed to proving that your mother's stay-at-home status somehow qualifies her as a better parent than your Dad, and there's no way to explain otherwise.

For example, if she was able to afford a swimming pool on her own, a lot of it probably had to do with the fact that she didn't have to pay the MORTGAGE or UTILITIES or ... well, food, travel, or wahtever. How she managed to afford a pool if she's been staying at home since you were under 10, I have to wonder if you're completely on top of understanding all thier finances.

And whether or not you are, for you to have this much information about it ... or this much mis-information, if it turns out that the stuff you know about thier finances is all from her point of view and his own view is not the same ... well, you know way more about thier lives, about how they chose to make high level financial decisions, etc... the fact that you somehow understand how your "nana" (your grandmother, I take it?) finances her life and pays rent to your parents... it's just way more information than a kid is supposed to have about their parents.

The fact that he's a professional athlete who must travel for work means he'll naturally have less time avaialble to spend with you kids, so he'll be fine if you don't LIVE with him ... but be sure to set aside time to spend with him, holidays, vacations, etc. Don't be surprised, though, if he doesn't continue to maintain your mother and her mother with as much money as they've had in the past, so maybe it'll be tougher for your mother to afford a pool.

I never said she was sitting around eating bon-bons. Most stay at home mothers do not do that. But most women don't have the luxury of staying at home to do the cooking & cleaning and child-rearing because their financial contribution to the family is not optional... the family cannot exist if they do not help provide. It's a luxury to have a stay at home member of the partnership who will do all the work of keeping the homefires burning ... a luxury that can no longer be afforded by a divorcing couple.

I urge you to get some counseling for yourself. If you were crying so much over your parents' split that you had to take a break from college, you sincerely need help in sorting this out... help in YOU sorting it out for YOURSELF... not for your siblings, but for yourself.

Your Dad will be fine (as long as you don't spend time talking about your opinion of him with your siblings). Your Mom will get through this (and whatever you do, do NOT let her use you as HER source of emotional support during this). Your siblings will figure it out for themselves what happened or did not happen with your parents and will hopefully have time to spend with your dad as well as your MOm in the future, but other than coordinating your schedules so that you're all at Mom's on Christmas Morning and Dad's on Christmas evening... or whatever... well... the only thing you should have to do with this is pointing them to support groups for kids thier own ages, or therapists for individual help if there are no support groups available... for them to get their own help.

YOu are not a therapist and even if you were, you are not in a position to be the person to help fix this for them. You need to stick to fixing it for yourself.