<<< Parallel Parenting, my rules at my house and their rules at their house is the best that you can hope for. Uncoordinated because niceness = weakness. Think being circled by starving wolves, the narcissist feeds the same way. >>>

"Parallel Parenting" - that's a good phrase. And it is exactly how things are - I'm a parent with rules at my house. When we were married he was never a parent - just a best buddy to the kids. But now that he has the new gf, he is starting to lay down rules at his house - and they are inconsistent rules. Apparently his stern response is "The law of sibling unequality is the rule here."

What's really, really hard is I have an adult daughter with serious, chronic mental illness and consistency and structure are extremely important for her. But there is little consistency - so she's spiraling downwards. Her counselor said we need consistency between the households - with my ex, that only means his way.

This sucks.

(By the way, I fully understand that few people have full-blown NPD, and my ex probably doesn't - but he has very strong narcissistic behaviors and probably has 4-5 of the characteristics - the biggest being his lack of empathy - he is amazingly cold and emotionless.)

Thankfully, I'm a strong person and just keep on plugging away, dealing with all this stuff.