Have dealt with many of these same issues for years. When my kids were little they only saw Dad as fun. It wasn't until they were teenagers that they got a real dose of a selfish, self absorbed man. I never had to tell them, they figured it all out on their own. Now when he does something harmful, I just say," I am so sorry that he is not or can not be the father you wish he was. You have to learn to accept and love him for who he is. " I also repeat this a lot, "on the day you were conceived and the day you were born, you were wanted and loved." My other is," he is your father, you need to work it out for yourself if not for him." It seems to help them.