TTina, your ex is common for lots of derelicts. He quits because he doesn't want to work. It's VERY logical, though stupid. That's very different from waht the original poster is suggesting, which is that she's got an ex who can and does work, earns a decent living when he does, and has no reason other than wanting to evade child support and alimony for quitting. This is a person who is not living at the edge of sanity/sobriety/anger management issues.

I often tell people to look at the track record of the person they're dating to figure out if they're ever going to be reliable in the future, if theyr'e going to cheat or lie or spend more tan they earn ... if they're going to be lazy or a perpetual dreamer who never gets anythign done... I mean, you don't marry a fat man expecting him to shape up or a smoker expecting her to quit, so why marry a party guy expecting him to become suddenly responsible?

It's a mistake we ALL make in our youth... but after we're divorced, we hopefully know our priorities a little better than "he's cute, and he wants to be a doctor someday"... and we'll be able to actually SEE if he did well in college, went to medical school, and actually FOLLOWED his dream rather than just talked about it.

I married a perpetual dreamer first time out. He was always chasing the next best thing, but the reality was that I earned the stable income and his was up & down & sometimes non-existent. I'm rid of him for a reason. He's gone bankrupt since then. If we had kids I'm sure he'd be in arrears. I'd never accuse him of being in arrears because he's evil or doesn't want to support his kids or is trying to hurt me... it's clear to me... he's the type who can't maintain a single stable income. When it's good, it's very, very good for him... but when it's bad, he's bankrupt. That's just who he is. That's part of why I could'nt be with him any more (a small part of it, there were much bigger problems in MY first marriage).

You are not one whose ex is in arrears becasue he's bein gvindictive to you. The original poster says her ex is. That's my point of contention. It's one thing to recognize a person as being human, having failings... to recognize that you made a bad choice for a first husband... to recognize that he's never going to live up to his responsibilities for more than a minute at a time. It's another thing altogether to attribute such evil to him.

I'm not saying that it's not possible for a person to quit a job out of spite, just VERY rare. And certainly not the thing that one should think of FIRST when the last time he did something so radical was 12 years ago, and evne if the 12 intervening years were full of anger and hatred, if he kept his job for his own needs and fulfilled his own needs with it... even if he was messing with the child supprot & fighting the alimony requests & whatever... it does not follow that evil intent to mess with the ex is the FIRST thing we should look at if he leaves a job.

It's one thing to call the ex a loser in general, it's another thing altogether to call him an evil type who intentionally woudl cut his nose off, despite his face, just to keep food of his own kids' plates.

Now... the fact that he's going out, having a good time, eating well, buying stuff... that's another discussion altogether. WE never know where that stuff, where the financing for something like that, is coming from. We've had some long discussions on here about whether someone deserved to eat at a restaurant or get thier nails done when they're claiming the child support is not enough or too much... The issue of whether or not you have any right to look at your ex's lifestyle and make judgment on it is a whole 'nother topic... and if he's actually spending money or if he's engaging in an ill-advised credit card increase is a big question. Somepeople, when they realize they're about to go bankrupt, will go on a huge spree and max out thier credit cards in the nowledge that they'll never have to pay for this stuff and pretty soon they're going to have to start living much more cheaply. It's a tough thing to do... sit & watch as the ex overspends, without comment.

The original poster's ex is spending on stuff she disapproves of. Sorry. She has no right to control it or to comment on it. Does she even know where the money is coming from to pay for his lifestyle and she knows that he's NOT being taken out by a girlfriend, that his dinners are NOT being supplied by his parents... that he is NOT ruining his credit in order to keep up appearances between jobs.

The assumption that he's quitting a good, hgh payign job forth epurpose of keeping food out of his kids' mouth is what's my concern. I just don't agree that it's a good assumption to make.

Your ex is a louse, a leech, a lazy bum. it's a nasty thing to say, but given his history, it makes sense. Hers, however, quit one job more than a decade ago over issues involving an affair, and now she assumes that his job issus today are based upon something more than being a bum... that he is worse than a leach... that he's an evil guy who intends to mess with her even if it means havin gles for himself, who would keep food out of his kids' mouths rather than work at a job he is able to work at.

I think what she is saying about her ex is truly a lot more horrible than what you're saying about yours.