Perhaps I just can't see the forest for the trees! I could really use other people's input, advice, experience...

Slowly but surely all of the clothes that I buy wind up finding their way to his house and the clothing he sends back with her is stained, worn, and too small. I absolutely want her to feel that she is free to take her belongings(toys, clothes, movies, etc...) with her, since they are HER things, but am having a tough time outfitting two closets! I'm reluctant to tell her to bring back the clothes that she wears over there, as I don't want her to feel that she isn't free to take her things back & forth, and more importantly, I don't want to place her in the middle of her dad & I. I have tried talking to him about this, but he simply denies what he's doing and then accuses ME of holding onto the clothes HE sends over. I can't send her to school in the clothes that he sends back, and yet when I buy her stuff, he holds onto it!

I'm at a loss about what to do... Any suggestions???