You refused to go to counseling when she wanted you to? Perhaps you could have saved the marriage. The signs were all there. It is by no means your fault, but you shouldn't be surprised either. Then, you think it is somehow cute that you get to tell the other man's wife (inserted smiley)? Can't wait for that one, huh?

Maybe you won't be dating such "hot women" when you are in the poorhouse because your ex wife will be taking half your income for child and spousal support.

Most courts don't care about "fault" and she will get half of your 401k, half of the equity, plus child support (around 2k per month even at her higher income)and spousal support.

I agree with the others that you need a lawyer.

And maybe if you really love this woman, the marriage can be saved.