Gender of the lawyer does not matter, BUT if you find a woman lawyer who cares about men's issues, she may be able to better represent you than a male lawyer who is going to get on a soapbox & impress his client but bore the judge (think JBar as a lawyer... might make some of the guys pump thier fists in solidarity, but won't be effective because the law won't change for all the posturing). If you've got a woman on your side who can EFFECTIVELY and PASSIONATELY explain your issues, it will be maybe better. (not the same in the reverse... a male lawyer doing the same thing with a female client just looks patronizing & it's not necessarily effective.)

On the mediation thing. There are several ways of doing it BUT if you don't get a lawyer, then even if you come to an agreement through mediation, you THEN have to find someone to write up the agreement & get it signed, sealed & delivered. Many people find the mediation useless (my husband, included), because in the time of getting someone to sign on the bottom line of the agreement, they change thier mind. Some people do mediation better if they've been with a lawyer & gotten a whole lot of the information and "discovery" done already, so they are making INFORMED decisions about how to divvy up the house & business & cars & IRAs & such.

BUT if you don't have all that stuff & the issue is the cheapest way to get the best interests of the kids protected, maybe the courthouse has a service for handling that, cheaper or maybe free in some states. When you are consulting lawyers, they shoudl hbe an understanding of what is available & how much it costs... if you don't have a lot of property to divide, it might not be worth the price of the meditor (and even if you do, like my husband, the price of the mediator is not worth it if you end up with an agreement that your ex later refuses to sign...) so it's going to be a strategy call, what KIND of mediation you use, how much you pay, where you find the mediator & what kind of mediator you use.

If I understand, there aren't real issues of property in your divorce, and if you chose an expensive method of handling it, your savings could all be eaten up in fees, but your real issue is the best interest of your child? In that case, the options of free parenting mediation through the courts (if it's available) or maybe some sort of custody evaluation by a therapist who could EITHER get you & her o make agreements about it OR could make recommendations to the judge form a professional position... EITHER option might be more effective than mediation with a person whose mediation practice is more focused on proeprty settlements than children.

Sorry fi my posts are so long, but some topics certianly justify it.