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she wants me to watch an old oprah ep which they say how hard it is to quit. I told her i dont discount how hard it is but i do think it's BS that you wont quit becasue it's too hard. She also acknowledged that every time i pressured her to quit she used ME as an excuse not to quit, saying she will do it in her own time

can a smoker please explain this to me how it is NOT self destructive.
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I'm an ex-smoker, and I will tell you that nicotine is HIGHLY addictive. To some people, it's like telling them to stop eating, drinking, or even breathing. And the addiction varies from person to person. I quit cold turkey one day (thank goodness) and was climbing the walls the first 3-6 months. I bought fireballs by the bulk to help compensate. Patches and gum had just come out and they did absolutely nothing for me.

My older sister is an MD and once told me while in residency that she had a patient who had to have a traecheotomy(sp?) and STILL found a way to smoke through the breathing tube! It's painfully addictive. Almost ALL smokers know the risk, but the addiction is just too strong for many to stop.