If you were in CA, before primary custody (primary residency) was given to either parent, both would be required to go to classes and a meeting with a licensed court social worker to address the parenting plan. Then the social worker would make a recommendation to the court, based on how the meeting went, which the court most often follows. Courts frown on parents who attempt to deny access to the children, unless one of the parents can be proven to be unfit. You may ( or may not ) be the better primary caregiver. If you can show that it is you who takes care of your child most often, that will go a long ways in court because the courts like to maintain the status quo unless it is harmful. If you are now the primary caregiver and can prove it, you will probably remain that way unless you get before prejudiced judges or social workers. If you attempt to deny access to your child by the mother, that will hurt you badly. Courts do not like that at all. You basically need to show you now, and have been, the primary caregiver. And have the abilities and desire to remain so. Your wife may not even protest if she needs to travel often and likes to go out a lot. It will cost her in CS. But those financial issues should not be the main concern in determining who should have primary residency. Who would care for the child best? That is what the court is most concerned about. That and the parenting plan.