My soon-to-beex is active duty and I was served 3 months ago along with papers stating that he also wants custody of our 3 children. I am a stay-at-home to 3 children under the age of 7. One of which has special needs and another that has a learning disability and sever behavioral issues. We have been married for 9 years (yes, I know just one year shy of the 10 year mark, how convenient for him). He was originally trying to obtain sole physical custody (joint legal) of the children. He reasoning is because I have no job and no financial means to care for the children. If you had sole physical custody he states that then he could move with the children to base housing and provide for them "in the manner to which they are accustomed to" (we do not live on base now). I was completely thrown by this and had not even considered the possibility that I would have to stay here. I have since been told that because he is pursuing this and wants to be there for children I will be unable to relocate to a more cost effective location. I do not want to keep the children from their father, but it seems unreasonable to keep me from starting my life over. It will take me twice as long to do that here and I will not be as financially stable here (and he knows that so he's using that to his advantage by saying that since I can't financially care for the children he should have the children---which by the way he plans to use child care). My special needs son will not deal well with this proposed change, but I've very concerned about a judge being able to see that side of it.
I was told by one lawyer that no judge would even agree to joint physical to an active duty member anyway, but another lawyer told me it would be in my best interest to play along and agree with joint, but ask for less visitation. I'm so confused and soooooooooo worried about my children. I really have only their best interest at heart and my soon-to-be ex just will not listen to me. He thinks my judgement is clouded by spite, but I really am worried about my kids because I have seen what this has already done to them. Any comments, suggestions, known laws, cases would be appreciative.