Done4,

why are you worried if he gets BAH or not. I think that would be his problem to work out regardless of how much custody you want. If he is pissed so what. If he can't live off base that is his problem. If he lives off base it only means his yobo (sounds like hobo, korean for girlfriend) gets to live with him. If he has to live on base it restricts some of his liberties. Oh well. I don't think you will be giving up much in custody at this point because he is in Korea.
Ask your daughter what she would like to do. Does she want to spend time with her father? Have you figured out what type of custody plan you will have when he gets back from Korea? Will he get the kids on a regular basis (every other week) or will you live far enough apart that they only visit during the summer and holidays? I'm all for both parents having visitation but I have found that one parent is sometimes not worthy of any visitation or at least limited visitation.