Your Dad gets to keep the inheritance. Stop worrying about that. Your MOm does not deserve any little bit of it. Your Dad and Mom are both drunks and thank God and AA that your Dad is not drinking. But for you to have that much information about a single fight they had when you were in grade school is inappropraite. You have clearly decided who was at fault in that fight, but your Dad chose not to leave her or to protect you back then, and remained in the sitaution for anotehr... well, must be about a decade at this point!

I don't know that your mother is a sociopath, but many addicted persons seem very similar to sociopaths when they're drinking. Most actual sociopaths don't drink, though. They're too controlled for that. And counseling won't help them, will never help them in my personal opinion (not that the therapists will ever give up on the possibiltiy of helping).

Addictions are a whole problem of their own, and no one needs to be a sociopath in order for an addiction to cause havoc for thier family. And yes, their families clearly need therapy, just like the family of sociopaths and narcissists. Because the families are more emotionally shredded than the people who are the cause of the problems. For your mother, remove the alcohol and there would be a huge turnaround... but for you, it would be hard, if not impossible, to figure out how to manage life within the new constallation of the non-alcoholic family. That's just the way it is. I don't need a crystal ball to know that. I've been involved with enough alcoholics to know.

At the ripe old age of 19, you have diagnosed your mother with a serious emotional disturbance, suggested that the drinking is almost just superimposed on top of this other problem that you seem to think is more serious, have decided who was at fault for a fight between your parents when you were just a young child, and taken on the task fo somehow defending your father's honor, getting intimately involved in the situation to the point where you are accepting calls from your own grandparents which are probably calls meant for your father. When you say, "they called to tell US..." (emphasis added) as if you, the son, are somehow part of the whole marital thing... it's a huge clue that you are overinvolved in your parents' marriage.

PLEASE, let your dad deal with this. Get him a good lawyer. You clearly do not want the help that you need for having grown up in a family wehre both parents were alcoholics, but don't ditch the rest of our message. For you to be here... a KID who is trying to help is dad divorce his mom... it's just not right. Get Dad a good lawyer and then BUTT OUT.

Someday you'll understand. A kid should never have as much information about thier parents' relationship as you have. They should never have as much inforation about what the various arguments were about as you have. They sould never know the specifics of disagreements about money & etc., should never know which parent is waking the other up, should never have the opportunity to have to make a choice that one is more innocent than the other.

Your mother is clearly out of control. Is that what you need to hear? Well, if so, then I'm saying it. She is CLEARLY wrong. But is she evil? Probably not. Is her family evil for taking her in and sympathizing? Probably not. For you to cut off a whole half of your own DNA just so you can champion your father. He needs to man up, do his own research on the law, get a lawyer, and tell you to butt out, frankly. For him to let you get this involved is wrong-minded. And if you've done this behind his back in some mis-guided attempt to tell him his own business, then I'd not be surprised if he didn't tell you to back off anyways. Maybe in nicer terms, but the sentiment is the same. NO child, no matter HOW evil thier mother is, should EVER be involved in thier parents' divorce.

Get your Dad in contact with a good lawyer.

Get yourself in contact with some version of therapy or support for kids of alchoholics.

Or don't. Your choice. You've gotten your answers. Your Mom does not get part of your Dad's "dead money". Some of us here have a little more experience than you'll EVER know about how the world works, how divorce works, how the inheritances will be divided (or not), sociopaths, narcissists, addicts... and when we tell you that as a child, even an adult child, you're way too involved in your Daddy's business ... well, just wait another 10 years till you understand a little better and THEN tell us that it's right for a kid to be lookign for divorce information for his father, vilifying his mother, and looking for ways to cut her off and APPARENTLY looking to get revenge for all the mistakes she made in his youth, by helping his dad with the divorce...

I think in a few years you'll understand and be embarassed. At least I hope you have the capacity to understand that when a few years rolls around. I HOPE by that time that you've gotten enough help for yourself that you are capable of understanding it.

Truly... take it or leave it. We care, we've given advice, you're in a very tough position. Give your father the advice and then bow out & take care of yourself