Gigi: Thank you for your very thoughtful response I've seen a lawyer each spring since this started. The first time I totally fell apart in her office. I'm sure it's clear to you who talk to people like me on these board that I'm one of the walking wounded. I saw a therapist and she said I was one of the worst cases of PTSD she had seen. As a result, I missed some important life skills and have such severe emotional/physical response to these things that I finally say to myself, I won't win, I'll be worse off so I won't so anything.
Funny thing is, he's a psychiatrist.He's retiring in 2 years. I don't know if it's worth it. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no. We agreed I would recieve half his retirement. That's a done deal. And as far as I know the spouse has to sign off on it.
When I look at the numbers, it's a wash. After I pay attorney fees(I'm afraid of that getting out of control) and risking losing my house(how did you know I live in the woods), I think it's easier to just sit tight. But again, I know I'm missing what others might see clearly.
I don't know how to go about getting an agreement without it becoming so adversarial. If I approach it from an informal standpoint it might work. Timing is important. He's a very paranoid person and needs to think it's his idea.