Jano, you & I have discussed this before & your case is different because the father refuses to see the kids under reasonable circumstances. However, for a standard case, if an extracurricular is going to interfere with a regular visit, it's appropraite for the parents to negotiate to find an alternative time for a visit. Whichever parent is committed to helping the child find a way to attend their extracurricular is going to be the one pushing to do the right thing and find an appropraite alternative time, and the parent who fusses & fumes & won't accomodate a change is going to be a jerk. But being a jerk is no reason to withhold thier visitation.

It's the parents' thing to work out, and the hard thing to accept is that if the event falls on the other parent's time with the kid, especially if that time is rare, like every othe rweekend, then the CP should not be encouraging the kid to think that they can ditch visitation just because of the event.

It's a tough situation, but children of intact families sometimes have to miss their team's tournament because of a family reunion, or their school play becuase of a family funeral, or band camp because their parent's summer vacation falls on that week. It simply happens & this is part of kids learning that some things are more important than others.

So, which is more important, her Dad or her volleyball game?

Make certain her dad is first, and when there's no longer the struggle over this type of issue, then there will no longer be a struggle over whether she'll go to the special event or not... her Dad will take her to it, himself... or she'll decide it's not that important, but once you've put her relationship with her daddy in it's proper place and not encouraged her to think that she can ditch him in favor o fher favorite activity, then your priorities will be in the right place, hers will, and he'll be free to consider whether he is willing to give up a few hours of one of his visits to allow her to be with someone other than himself. AND, most importantly, it'll be between him & her, and you won't be part of the negotiation any more.