I am sorry you are going through all of this. I know it is hard, my wife has to deal with my X and I am so proud of her for the way she handles it. You can't take it personal you have to realize that your better than that for not doing something that you will regreat. The kids will remember it later and respect you more for it. One things we did before we got married (both had kids) was take a class offered by a church in step-parenting. The two day class helped both of us better understand each other and how to deal with both of our extra baggage.